Everyday, I'm Hurting. I will never forgive myself

Australia; snow skiing; music;
My friends are my world, and my boyfriend is my everything.

I will never forgive myself for the pain i am causing to you, one day my karma will get me back, when it does i will welcome it with tear. Because I'm sorry, I've hurt you so bad. Losing you was hard, because you meant to much to me for so long. I've lost you as a friend, and i've lost you as a person. I look at as much as your facebook page will allow me, seeing as you deleted me, i go through every photo, even though i have seen them all over a dozen times, you're smiling in them. Its a sign that you are happy.. that's when a small amount of guilt is lifted off my shoulders. Please leave my nightmares alone, in everyone you're crying out in pain, at what i have done. I'm glad we are no longer together. It was the right thing. And all i want to do is hate you with everything i have, but you have done nothing wrong, that's the hardest thing of them all. I hope that one day, i will run into you down town, i want you to see how happy i am, while i walk with my hard warm and firmly in my boyfriends. I know it sounds fucked up. But you always said my happiness was the most important thing to you. I. Am. Happy. I heard from your best friend, that you're not happy. But then i remember who you are. You can't be sad. I miss having a boyfriend who had his p's. Cause then we could drive anywhere. Is was so much fun. The singing, the laughing, the smiles, how comfortable we were around each other, I was myself. I don't know what it was that changed it, so quickly, and so hard. But 'He' always had a special place in my heart, more we talked, the big it grew, the harder i feel for him. I felt like I was being a dishonest girlfriend to you. So look at me now mother fucker. I'm with the boy of my dreams. While you're still being the Man whore you were when I first meet you. Have fun getting aids and shit.